We at French-Roast (and by we, I mean I) are obviously all about our coffee and in regards to obtaining that perfect cup of coffee, I would like to speak out some of my concerns for the future of coffeehouses in this area (by which I mean Houston's inner loop, the only place to live in this urban sprawl). I warn you in advance I plan to be extremely long-winded and have been watching A&E's film adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, so it is likely I will be incorporating antiquated British verbiage from time to time, for which I apologize in advance. (I [heart] you, Jane Austen!)
There are those that might call me heretic for what I am about to say in reference to
Brasil, but I would call those same people poseur hipsters and late-night hour whores. Personally, I'd rather be a heretic, though I do believe that cult fans of Brasil are the true heretics. Brasil may be open until 2:00 am (unlike it's nearby neighbor, competitor, and far superior establishment,
Empire Cafe, which closes at 10:00 pm on week nights and Sundays), but if you need coffee at 2 am, you need to realize
1) you have a big problem
2) does the quality of the coffee really make any difference at that hour, you shakey, quakey, beatnik-wannabe, patchouli-stink patron? (A: no.) Go to IHOP.
When I attend a coffee house of the sort that decries Starbucks for its corporateness, there are certain--little--services I expect. In most every approximation, Brasil completely let me down. The following is a (brief) list of short-comings of Brasil and I need not say (though M2's friend Alice the Camel finds this an outrage) Diedrich's.
1)
Quality. Your coffee should be delicious. Your bread and butter business should be real bread and real butter. Can I speak plainer? Imagine my disappointment when I found your decaf to taste not unlike a solid lump of chutney. I am not a cowboy and this is not the old west. I will not be shotgunning my hot drink and following it with a pile of bacon grease and ranch-style beans with ketchup.
Corrollary: Not only is your coffee not particularly good, but you *charge* for refills. Full price. At $2.00/cup, you better be serving me ambrosia. Empire Cafe, however, whose house coffee is consistently excellent is all you can drink. Wouldn't a shakey quakey patron like you prefer a bottomless cup? I thought so. (Note: I am fully aware that Starbucks does not provide refills and charges exorbitant prices, but neither do they serve their coffee in ceramic mugs. This is key and brings me to my next point.)
2)
Proper vessels and utensils. If I am to enjoy a cup of coffee at a coffeehouse, I expect a saucer and a little spoon, what the French might call une petite cuillier. Last night, I had to *request* a saucer and spoon after my overfilled mug splish-splashed all over me; I was given an oval-shaped saucer on which my cup did ill fit, and a soup spoon. This is not acceptable; believe that I will pour my coffee on you, should you suggest I use a stir stick in lieu of a proper coffee spoon. This is not the office and I am not watering my coffee down with non-dairy creamer.
3)
Service. Owing to the fact that Empire was closed last night for floor repair, your establishment was exceedingly busy and I was unable, for some time, to make it up to the counter to request a refill and close my tab. Your staff did not appear at any time to be circulating. Unfortunately, your well-deserved paranoia regarding your business acumen and stemming from an inferior product has you recruiting all sorts of "musicians" who specialize in loud to draw your patrons. While this was apparently a successful ploy to recruit patronage from those with extensive hearing loss, I, a sensitive listener, was forced to wait over half an hour for a small sandwich (which was suspiciously nestled in a sea of gherkins) and was resolved to quit the place the instant I was finished eating. Need I mention that I am on a first name basis with most of the friendly and attentive staff at Empire? Ordering at Empire is much more of an exercise in standing than at Brasil, I'll grant you, but there is no rush to cram the menu down your throat, nor an extended wait for food once you have placed said order, even on the busiest nights. And never, is one expected to eat one's food while standing, at a long bar in the den o' noise.
4)
Cleanliness. Though Brasil may have added a few Ikea lights in the main part of the restaurant (a feat which, in my mind, had much to do with suspicious health inspectors) I stand by my original assertion several years ago that Brasil is, indeed, a dirty place, for dirty people. I must mention however that Brasil has at least one smoke-free room (only partially less-smokey than smoking rooms, but still...), while Empire (and it pains me to say so) has none.
5)
Other. Brasil and Empire BOTH choose to have the squeaky, ineffective to-go boxes made of shiny, transparent plastic. These are an abomination. They pop open too easily and make a ridiculous lot of noise, not to mention the space they take up in my trash can. Can't we get some paper or environmentally-friendly styrofoam? Maybe some foil? You both get a scowl and a thumbs down for that.
In conclusion, I submit that though Empire Cafe may have a scant few shortcomings, it is Brasil that performs extremely ill in the MaryT Coffee House Challenge.
Love,
MaryT
Comment allez-vous?
Plusieurs plus du plaisir
? Texas Blogs # >
La Bęte d'Hier