Oh happy day!

I can finally kick my hobby of discouraging teens into high gear.

Thank you, Mosquito!

All Basically Relating to Small-town Houston

Hello fiends,

Lots of stuff going on lately, but will update soon with some snarky tidbits. In the meantime, just wanted to see if anyone is interested in joining a group blog I am going to have at I (Heart) Houston. Just goings-on in the city and what you love about it, etc. I'd like to capture more perspectives than just my own, have it be a real collaborative arty item.

Thanks to all who attended MaryT's First Annual Losers' Thanksgiving. It was fun beyond my wildest imaginings and I really adore the idea of the urban family. I'm happy to send photos to interested parties (not random internet peops, sorry).

Thanks also to the MFAH for serving grey goose basically straight up on Saturday night at The Beats of Basquiat. I very much appreciated that after standing in line so long to get drinks, especially since I got two at one go. (As an ex-girl scout, I like to be prepared.) The Basquiat exhibit got ridiculously crowded around 11:30/midnight-ish with the usual suspects to the point where I saw so many people I knew that I couldn't remember if it was because we had shared a memorable night of drinking, had a mutual friend, or both just attended Niko Niko's a lot. Ha! Hope to see you at the next one Dec. 17.

Naysayers, You're Fired

I finally went to see Harry Potter last night and I have just two words to describe it: FRICKIN' AWESOME.

Who are you fools that didn't like it? Don't say you're the readers because dude, I have read the Goblet of Fire between 4 and 18 times (I won't say which number it's closer to for fear of being a literary pariah.) And don't say you're the non-readers because I went with one who also believed it to be: frickin' awesome (because it was).

Here's who you are: damn fools.

Deciphering Suspicious Characters

I met a woman this weekend who kept repeating, despite my total lack of prodding for this type of information, that she was "gainfully unemployed." Also, I believe " and I'm a good Christian woman, as I am sure you are," was repeated a few times. What on Earth can this mean?

And to the lady at Starbucks this morning wearing gaucho pants, a sleeveless lycra item and Jesus-strap wedge sarape sandals, I'd like to remind you that besides being, you know, a risk on even the warmest day that it was like 40 degrees this morning.

"it ONLY HAPPENS ONCE A YEAR"

This is the little motto that I guess Starbucks has adopted for this year's holiday seasonal cardboard beverage coolers/warmers. (I am choosing not to comment on the troublesome formatting of it. I think it speaks volumes for itself.)

In my opinion, Starbucks saying Christmas "only happens once a year" is a little like saying summer only comes once a year in Houston. I mean, officially: yes. But "the season of merriment" lasts for an obscene amount of time and you're pretty freaking anxious to usher it out the door annually. It's not likely that people worry they're apt to miss out on the fresh crop of holiday schlock that is available in abundance for each of your senses from October to January. Now, I certainly enjoy a good gingerbread latte. I really do. I'll even purchase "Elton John's Crappity Crapster Holiday Musical Line-Up" because, I don't know, I will be prodded heartily by commercialism and my own hope that goodwill is involved and probably the unconscionable amounts of red on the cover*. But I am not such a dolt as to believe that this "good cheer" and shopstravaganza is in any way endangered or unlikely to return before I miss it too much.

More and more I realize that the more people talk, the less they are really saying (MaryT excepted of course). I am going to give it a name. Like Airspeak or something. Read any press release for example, or any "seasonal motto" (i.e. Gap: Buy-our-stuff-it's-HOLIDAY!Rainbow sweaters-yay!) or the bio (as noted by Ms. R. Coff) at this fun times page of artist Willy Wang.

* The holiday crap is very MaryT-hostile with it's kryptonite-like combo of red+shiny. I mean what. can. I. do?! I love the shiny. I love the red. There's little hope.

New Motto--maybe

Sack up, young person.


Courtesy of the Whitmore family.

I could never love a Baywatch fan.

A word please, members of Ecclesia. You pronounce your name wrong. For real.

I'm sorry, but that's just not right. Recently, the boy who loves pens invited me to put asunder my pronunciation issues and give y'all a try some weekend. Enjoy some fellowship and what not. But just as I can't truly love anyone who cannot correctly use the past participle, neither can I be part of a greater spiritual awakening that involves a mispronunciation at such a fundamental level.

For those of you not in the loop on this, the people of Ecclesia pronounce their congregation eck-LUH-see-uh. Those of you who cocked your heads, a la Molly, and said something along the lines of "Quoi?" to yourselves have got it just about right. The word is e*-kleez-ee-uh.

Those are my rules and that's how it has to be. Go with Hay-zoos.

*Sorry, I don't know how to type the schwa symbol.

Magazines...again.

I just received the oddest letter from Bon Appetit. The latent guilt and maybe blatant threats concern me. They also amuse me. Just so you don't have to go to the trouble of letting your own subscription lapse, I'd like to share.

Dear Mary T____,

I didn't want to send you this letter, but I'm afraid it's come to this.

Because we have not received your payment for subscription renewal that you requested*we have been forced to CANCEL your subscription. Is missing issues what you really intended?

I know paying bills is a task that gets put off, but now there is no more room to wait.

Unless you reinstate your services nowm you will forfeit your delivery of America's finest food and entertaining publication to which you have grown accustomed.

Don't make the mistake of others who realized too late how much they counted on their Bon Appetit subscription. They too let their account payments slide...and ended up paying more later on.

To avoid further action, return your payment of $22.00 at once.

Sincerely,
Charles Simpson
For Bon Appetit

Wow. What just happened to me?

*I did not request. When my subscription was up for renewal, I returned the mailer and said "do not renew." That seems pretty clear. Hmm.

Just the Next Great Adventure

One week until the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I can hardly stand it.

Thanks, by the way, to my peops who handled me the night of the Half-Blood Prince's release. I know I started getting testy as midnight drew nigh. I am aware that this is a bit of a problem, but like, you should forgive me because Harry Potter is awesome and you are awesome peops.

Let me know if you want me to fandango you a ticket for the movie!

My hair is pink!

It's like my MaryT enthusiasm for life was too much to keep inside! I love it!

My mom on my hair: "It's not really pink...right? Oh. Well, I wondered when you'd dye your hair. I held out hope you wouldn't, but always knew you would anyway."

Pictures coming soon, but not of my face. (This isn't myspace, you know, which according to Ms. Whit is purveyor of all things tacky.)

In the words of Mr. Pitters of Teen Girl Squad: "I look so good!"

Around the Water Cooler (revised from the Quotable Boy Who Loves Pens)

Boy Who Loves Pens: "If a chick with a fake leg wanted to get on my shit, I would have much difficulty saying no. All men want two things, to be part of a heist and to hump an amputee."

Mr. M: "Hell, yeah! I went to high school with a stump, and she was a total slut. She'd act like she was all wholesome and shit, but one day, I found her waiting for me naked in my backpack. She had slipped out of the little joystick-operated scooter she operated with her one good flipper and somehow crawled inside when I was at lunch. I guess I should've been flattered that she went through all that trouble for me, but I knew she'd been with every other dude in school, and I didn't want any part of that."

A Line I Intend to Use More Often

From the movie Something to Talk About:
"Lick it, stamp it and mail it to someone who fucking* gives a shit."

I used this today and it felt so awesome. I can't even tell you.

*"Fucking" was added by me and not the screenwriters. It was necessary. I apologize for my sailor mouth. Sort of.

Put On Your Red Shoes and Dance!

Wow, I had a case of serious spiritual cleansing last night. And not a moment too soon. Though feeling sorry for myself is one of my favorite things to do, dancing like a maniac is pretty high up there, also.

All this, and I got to wear a mustache. Ding!

Quoi?

Several days ago, Jo invited me to Danse Parc, the theme of which was mustache night. Thanks to a key tip from Ms. Whit herself, I was able to procure a fine set of 'staches at Target in the dollar section--and thanks to it being post Halloween, set me back $0.27. (I bought two sets and I have never been to Target and spent so little except when I bought nothing or returned something. When was the last time you handed someone a dollar, got your item and got change back? A: Too long.) I was sporting full-on, high quality Super Mario action. And by high quality, I mean we had to add Elmer's glue to our faces and even then, they didn't stay on that great in the face of sweat. Jo had a very suspicious European secret-agent-from-the-40s type 'stache and Jo's brother had a nice little porn 'stache, which I heard today is also called a "a cock duster." Interesting.

So just getting to Danse Parc was fun times. A homeless man accosted us immediately outside of our cars, beseeching us to buy "magic" love bears, which actually appeared to be some kind of found stuffed animal relics from who-knows-when. In retrospect, perhaps I should have bought some. I could use a bit of magic. A bit of love. A bit of bear. Hmm. Then on the way in, another homeless man made Jo's brother promise to take good care of us and upon seeing mine and Jo's 'staches said "Whoa, white people are crazy." When I started laughing, he sharply admonished me: "Shut up!" Okay, dude.

The dancing was just fabulous. What can I say? It really was footloose, fun times. Even at the end of the night when I was just exhausted and thought I couldn't dance anymore, the DJs started spinning Cheap Trick, If You Think I'm Sexy, and then--HOLY GOD I AM WEAK TO THIS ONE!--Bonnie Tyler's "I Need a Hero." Jo's brother commented upon my breathless, happy exit from the place that was essentially a much cooler high school dance: "Damn, you danced your ass off." Word, yo. Although he had a case of the red shoes himself. Well done, Tim.

It's hard to say what the highlight of the evening was. Love bears? Nah. Contempt of the homeless? I don't think so. Saying "who wants a mustache ride?" over and over? Eh. Drag queen in TINY shorts, red tube top and gold heels dancing slowly to every song? Possibly. Creepy man with a for-real grill who was in various stages of undress and had one move that I will show you upon request sometimes? Hmm. Insane dance fever and a night among friends boogying until my heart nearly exploded? Heck yes! But all were close contenders.

I will be attending the next Danse parc on December 3. Will you, young person?

And now for this...

"I will not allow my personal tragedy to interfere with my ability to do good hair." -Steel Magnolias

Please don't forget that election day is just around the corner, even if you do feel you are temporarily blinded by personal tragedy. This could be a public tragedy! To my fellow Texans, I beseech you to vote, even though you might not take the trouble in a non-congressional year/non-presidential year. (Note: I'm not trying to boss you around, but you should really take the trouble every year.)

Something very big is afoot in Texas--namely Proposition 2 which is needlessly redundant in its efforts to ostracize and marginalize homosexuals. If this tells you anything, the Ku Klux Klan has held several rallies at city halls in large cities across Texas to urge their members to support this state constitutional amendment.

Susan Llanes-Myers, executive director of the Holocaust Museum Houston has this to say about the prop., after the board of the HMH issued a public statement in opposition to it. “Texas law already prohibits marriage between same-sex couples. This legislation is needless and serves no legitimate purpose but to embed hatred and prejudice against one class of Texans into our most fundamental laws."

Will we stand for this in Texas? We will not! Please don't let Proposition 2 pass due to voter apathy, as the supporters of it will be showing in full force.

Another web site about this proposition: No Nonsense in November.

PRIMAL SCREAM!

It's reserved for the times when you just don't know what to say, but what you're feeling needs to get out.

Hello Heartache. This one's for you. Again.